Bishop Yvette Flunder and her spouse of 30 years, “Mother” Shirley Miller (left in the above pic), were in Singapore for the Amplify Conference recently. We celebrated Mother Miller’s 72nd birthday during the conference and we were delighted when Bishop said she wanted to sing a song to her beloved on her birthday. She paused for a moment to think of what to sing and smiled, saying, “Oh, I know!” Then she took Mother Miller’s hand tenderly in hers and started singing acapella:
You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can’t you see?
You’re everything I hoped for
You’re everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
There was not a dry eye in the room. The way she looked so adoringly at Mother Miller, the sincere and heartfelt way she sang to her as if she was the only person in the room, touched all of us who had the privilege to witness such love and devotion.
After the conference ended, I had the rare opportunity to spend some time with Bishop Flunder and asked her if she would share her love story with us. She was very happy to do so, and the following was what she shared.
Pauline: So, Bishop, would you please tell us how you and Mother Miller met one another?
Bishop: Well, I grew up in the Church of God and our families knew each other. I was always passionate about justice and AIDS work, and being a same-gender-loving woman, it was hard for me to remain in the Church of God. So I left the church and went into social justice work. After some time, I started attending Bishop Walter Hawkin’s church, and Shirley was Bishop Hawkins’ niece. She was a gospel singer and we became really close friends travelling on the road together. Things started getting more serious between us and we talked a lot about our friendship that was developing into something more. We were very close and talked about many things, and we had deep discussions over whether this was just a relationship of convenience. But we both knew what we had with one another was different – there was a deep sense of connection and kinship. We also talked about life mapping and planning together. So we started out being very close friends and our relationship matured into a physical and sensual one. That is probably the reason why we have lasted so long together, I think. Unlike many lesbian couples that start out their relationship with sex, we started out talking a lot with one another and it slowly matured into a sensual relationship. I simply adored her and I thought it would be really great if we could establish a relationship. I thought she was too good for me and she thought likewise about me. (laughs) We both felt we were marrying up and that is probably the secret to our enduring love.
Pauline: How did people around you react when they found out you were together? It probably wasn’t easy, especially back then?
Bishop: We both came out and had to deal with our families as well as the whole gospel music ministry. It wasn’t easy and we lost some friends along the way but you know, we were surprised by how our children dealt with the situation. Shirley and I spent weeks preparing what to say to our children and we arranged to have a special dinner where we would explain to them that we were together. The funny thing was when we told the children that we were an item, my daughter who was about 6 years old at that time said, “Yes, we already know. So what’s for dinner?” Kids truly know love when they see and experience it so that was that. It was the adults who had more problems with us being together.
Interestingly, some of our worst critics were gay people. You see, Shirley and I entered pastoral ministry as a couple and it was just not done at that time. Gay people could not accept that we were a same-gender-loving couple who were doing pastoral ministry together. We challenged their mindsets about what was possible and we had to deal with the criticism. Many believed that we wouldn’t last, much less thrive. But here we are, 30 years on and still going strong, and that has shut the critics up. (laughs)
Pauline: How have you seen your relationship grow over the years?
Bishop: I love her. She’s twelve and a half years older than me. And some time ago, we talked about our age gap and said, “What are we going to do? You’ll be 70 and I’ll be 58.” But you know, we are so close to each other organically, our age doesn’t make a difference. We have gone through so much together and we have each other. We know that we will be together until one of us dies. She’s my heart, the love of my life. You know, one of our church members said the reason why our church has grown so much over the years is not because of our programs. It’s because of our love for each other. Our love has shown people that a great love like this is possible.
Pauline: Bishop, thank you so much for inspiring us and showing us that a great love like this is possible. Both of your presence and the love you embody has made such a significant impact on me as well as many others. We thank God so much for the both of you!
Source: onetruestoryatatime.com
