Sharing by: Cynthia Wong
Each time I contemplate this year of my journey, I can’t help but feel immense gratitude for God’s faithfulness.
From having to deal with a very painful breakup in a foreign land to figuring out what comes next, I know God has been here for me each step of the way. Strangely enough, I think I have seen more rainbows this year than in the past few decades of my life. It’s as if each time I really wonder “what’s next”, a rainbow will appear even when there is no rain.
I remember crying out to Him in the nights during the break-up, asking Him to not let me feel alone – that I needed His presence because I knew that was the only way I could go forward; then, in the nights after the break-up, when my prayers were barely whispers, asking Him for help to pull through. And then, when I was struggling to find financial stability and working two jobs with long hours on the road, asking Him for strength, one step at a time. I remember one such morning when I could hardly rise from bed, praying to God, asking Him when all this would end.
It was precisely on one of the drives home, driving and crying, telling God I could hardly continue, that I saw this rainbow – the first of many to come.
It felt unbearable going through it, and now looking back, I know without a doubt God’s hand was always there, leading and guiding me through. From giving me a community that stood with me through my hurts and pains from the start of the breakup, making sure I knew I was not alone, to giving me a sanctuary to stay in and be safe, to slowly providing me with better working conditions, each step of the way got better.
Things have not gotten all fine and dandy for me yet. I still don’t have permanent work, and I still don’t know what lies on the road ahead. Yet I have learnt a lot. I have learnt to just walk each step one at a time, step by step with God. I still don’t know with certainty how things will pan out, and my life is not as stable as I would like it to be. Yet, I am better today than I was months ago, and I know that months later, I will be better than I am today. I have also learnt that if I learn to let go and let God, His plans are definitely and infinitely better than what I want for myself.
I have also learnt it’s ok to have close friends whom I can share my struggles with, that it’s human to struggle and fear – and also to remember in moments of doubt not to remain there, but to lean in to the Spirit and draw on the promises of God.
I hesitate in writing this, because it asks of me a degree of vulnerability and authenticity that I honestly don’t know I am prepared and comfortable to share about face-to-face. I don’t know if I will be ready to discuss this in person if you know me offline and want to talk to me about it. That said, I know without a doubt that God has called me to live authentically, bringing to light what people might not be prepared to see, to normalise what is uncomfortable and to start being the one to open conversations of what it is really like to live – pain, struggles and all. And so, I guess this post is my offering and obedience to God – to bring light to what people usually keep inside, and hopefully by His grace, this post will be a gift to others – an invitation to share your stories with others and not to keep everything inside, and to encourage you if you are in a season of uncertainty. God created us for community, and together we are better (Ecclesiastes 4). If you are going through anything, do share because at the very least we can pray together and you will know you are not alone.
